The way we communicate with our children greatly influences their psychological development. Thus, children who receive positive comments, who are treated with respect and love, and who dialogue in an open and trusting environment will develop a stronger and healthier self-esteem than those who receive criticism, shouting or do not have the attention of their reference adults.
Today we talk about the enemies of positive communication ; 11 situations that we must avoid at all costs if we want our relationship with our children to be respectful.
The screams
We may believe that by yelling we will get our children to listen to us more carefully, but the truth is that yelling is not a good way to educate, because among the many negative consequences that it brings, is the blockage of the brain.
Placing ourselves at the level of our children, looking them directly in the eyes to connect with them and then speaking to them in a soft and respectful tone, will encourage their attention.
the sermons
When it comes to transmitting a message to our children or correcting bad behavior they have had, we must be very clear, use the fewest number of words possible and set an example with our actions.
In this sense, lecturing is not the best way to get their attention for two reasons, mainly:
- When the child is young, he is not able to pay attention for a long period of time, so the more simplified, clear and direct our message is , the easier our communication with them will be.
- As they get older, indulging in sermons can cause negative feelings that get in the way of our communication (for example: “my parents think they are smarter than me”, “they are already with their usual sermons”, “they bore me when they get So”…)
Labels and Comparisons
Adults label children too often, without being aware of the emotional and developmental damage that this entails. When we label the child we are seriously harming their self-esteem, in addition to causing feelings such as frustration, anxiety, apathy, anger, reluctance… Even those labels that may seem “positive” to us a priori, are also harmful.
Something similar happens with comparisons. Each child is unique, has their own rhythm and their own needs. Therefore, if we want to communicate positively with our children, we must banish labels and comparisons forever.
interruptions
Just as adults like to be interrupted when we speak, children do the same. However, interrupting them when they have something to tell us is a fairly normal situation , whether it is the result of haste (which often leads us to finish the sentences for them), because we consider that what they are telling us is not important or because we tend to to monopolize the conversation from our adult point of view.
lack of interest
It is essential to emotionally connect with our son when he speaks to us, paying full attention to his words and looking him directly in the eye. This last point is essential since, in general, it is not easy to feel comfortable talking to someone who does not meet your eyes while you are talking.
Not showing interest in what the child tells us , even though we are apparently listening to him, denotes an absolute lack of connection.
Our children need to know that we are there to listen to them, that we understand their concerns, that we value and respect their emotions and that they can trust us whenever they need it.
The orders and impositions
We spend our lives giving orders to children, but by doing so we do not educate them in autonomy, nor do we contribute to their acquiring skills and competencies for life.
For this reason, it is more feasible to get the child to listen to us if instead of giving him orders we ask for his collaboration . It is a communication exercise that will require effort on our part -because we are too used to giving orders and wanting them to be carried out quickly-, but it will drastically change the way we relate to each other.
the confusing language
Confused and indirect language, irony, tinkling or double meanings are elements of communication that profoundly confuse the child , since their language shows only what they really think or feel, expressing it directly and honestly.
When the child has already consolidated certain intellectual skills, he can begin to understand the use of non-literal language, but until then, these types of expressions confuse him and could even embarrass him or cause him emotional discomfort.
certain gestures
We not only communicate with words, but also with our gestures. Thus, we must be consistent with what we say and the message that our non-verbal communication transmits at the same time.
Be very careful with that arching of the eyebrows , that way of twisting the mouth, that grimace or that look, because many times they say (and hurt) more than our own words.
abuse of ‘no’
The “no” is one of the strongest, most powerful and powerful words we have in our vocabulary. It is a word that conveys unwavering ideas and that carries with it a feeling of rejection and coercion.
Saying “no” emphatically is sometimes necessary, but in most cases we can reframe the situation and look for alternatives, as well as other positive and constructive ways to transmit our ideas and continue to nurture the conversation with our children.
highlight mistakes
The mistake that the child makes should not be seen as something negative , but as a learning opportunity. However, we often turn the child’s mistake into the object of our conversation, criticizing it, constantly emphasizing it and preventing a positive, fluid and respectful conversation.
