After nine months, the big day has finally arrived: you will meet your baby and you will be able to take him in your arms. You look into his eyes and … nothing. What happened? What about the love at first sight that everyone told you that you should have felt? Where is the famous crush?
Peaceful. There is nothing wrong with you, nor should you worry. Because although it is true that many mothers feel overwhelmed by an indescribable love when they see their baby for the first time, not all of them feel that crush at birth, and that is also normal .
The crush in childbirth
Probably all of us have heard about him. And it is a feeling that happens in an instant and that takes place in one of the most momentous, emotional and powerful moments in life: the birth of a child.
The crush is a unique and magical feeling , which takes place when finally mother and son will be able to see and know each other for the first time in their lives, which from that moment will change forever.
Of course, there are biological factors that help this to happen, and that is that during labor, a unique neurochemical scenario takes place in the brain of the mother and the baby that will never happen again. The mother secretes high levels of oxytocin, known as the love hormone, as well as other hormones that make the first encounter between mother and baby pleasant and etched in the brains of both.
So between this combination of hormones, the long wait for nine months and the great excitement of the future that awaits them together, it is normal that many mothers feel that immediate crush the moment they were finally able to see, touch and hug their baby.
But I haven’t felt it …
Although it is an incredible sensation, not all mothers feel the crush in childbirth . In fact, they are possibly more than we think, since it is thought that around 30% of mothers do not feel that love at first sight for their children.
Being a moment so talked about, expected and longed for, not feeling it when we finally have our baby in our arms can cause negative feelings , such as guilt or disappointment, since we are supposed to feel radiant with happiness and instantly have a full connection. of love.
Is there something wrong with mothers who don’t feel it? Of course not. Whether or not you feel the crush does not define whether or not you love your baby , and it certainly shouldn’t make you feel guilty. But then why haven’t I felt it?
There are many factors that can influence whether or not a mother feels the crush when she first sees her baby. Fears, doubts, confusion, exhaustion, stress or an uncomfortable situation due to some complication or the circumstances in which the delivery occurred may be some of them.
Although hormones are secreted during childbirth that facilitate the emotional bond between mother and child, the truth is that some of them, such as oxytocin, need to be in a favorable environment to segregate , so difficult or stressful circumstances can make it difficult for it to occur spontaneously.
The crush is not always instantaneous
But if we don’t feel the crush, we shouldn’t feel bad or feel guilty. Love for a child is something that also happens as time passes, and increases with each moment we spend with him . That deep and infinite love that mothers feel will come sooner or later.
In my personal opinion, I repeat it again: personal, the crush does exist and it is undoubtedly a magical moment of transformation towards motherhood. However, I think that like many other things about motherhood, it is something that has been given so much weight, that when a mother does not feel it the way it has been described, she thinks there is something wrong in it .
Of course, this is not going to minimize the importance of the crush that occurs during childbirth, because there is no doubt to anyone in the world that it is a real and incredibly emotional feeling like no other. It is simply a matter of maintaining realistic expectations and not treating it as a rule of motherhood .
The road to being a mother is a long one, with many curves and full of ups and downs. And each path is different for each mother. This crush of total love for our children can happen in different ways and at different times . Some women will feel it in labor, while others will feel it as the days go by. And they are all fine, they are all normal.
So the message here is the following: it is also normal not to feel the crush immediately when you meet your baby . So don’t feel bad, or think that you don’t love him. If it has not happened after the delivery, hug him, he needs you more than ever, and soon you will end up madly in love with your baby.
Photos | iStock
