The loss of a baby is a very hard time that little is said about and that many couples suffer in silence. A few weeks ago we shared the sad news of Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, who lost the third baby they were expecting.
Now, Chrissy finally feels ready to talk and in addition to sharing why her pregnancy could not continue, she is grateful for the support she received , explaining why she decided to take and share the photos, as well as the importance of talking more about these topics.
Through her Instagram account, the model and mother of two children has shared a letter she posted on Medium, where she talks for the first time about the loss of her baby Jack , which occurred almost a month ago.
” Hi. I had no idea when I would be ready to write this, ” Chrissy begins in her writing, explaining that although she did not really know how it would begin, she felt that the right thing to do was to start by thanking.
” For weeks, our floor has been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded us and each one of them has been read with tears in our eyes. Messages from strangers on social networks have consumed my days, most starting with a ‘I know you probably won’t read this, but …’ I can assure you, I have. “
” But I’ll also tell you, the best messages started with ‘You don’t have to reply to this, but …’ After losing Jack, I found myself worried that I might not be able to reply to everyone who showed me his extreme kindness. Many shared incredible personal experiences with me, others shared books and poems. I wanted to thank everyone, share our story with each person. But I knew I was in no condition to do so. For me, that ‘you don’t need to answer’ was a real relief. Thanks for each and every one of them . “
Then, he proceeds to explain what happened that tragic day, in which they walked through the hospital sad, while listening to other families celebrate the birth of their babies , something that was undoubtedly terribly painful at the time.
” At this point I had already accepted what would happen: I would have an epidural and would induce the delivery of our baby at 20 weeks, a baby that would never have survived in my belly (please excuse these simple terms). “
Chrissy says that prior to this, she was completely resting for a month, doing her best to carry her pregnancy safely to 28 weeks. But doctors diagnosed her with placental abruption . They hoped things would improve, but daily she bled lightly throughout the day.
Although this is not the first time that he had complications related to his placenta (his son Miles had to be born a month earlier due to not receiving enough nutrients), it was the first time that it was detached, putting his life and his life at risk. your baby’s.
“I could have spent those days in the hospital, but it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. Doctors visited me at home, while I silently tried to turn their negative words into positive ones, thinking that in the end everything would work out. Finally, I had a bad night in bed. and a not very good ultrasound, while bleeding more and more.
[…]
After a few nights in the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming: it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if we continued any longer, possibly neither would I. We deal with bags and bags of transfusions, each one passing through me as if we had done nothing. Late one night, they told me it was time to let him go the next morning. I cried a little at first, but then the crying increased, making it difficult to breathe due to my incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this, I can feel all that pain again.
Chrissy shares that when it was being prepared, she asked John to take the photographs that we have all seen now , in which the incredible pain that she was experiencing is palpable. He wasn’t sure if he did, and he felt very uncomfortable taking pictures of her while she was in so much pain, but she insisted.
” He hated it. He could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But he knew I needed this moment forever, the same way that I need to remind us of kissing at our wedding, the same way that I remember our happy tears after welcoming Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story . “
” I cannot express how little it matters to me that some hate the photos. How little I care that it is not something you would have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, those photographs are not for anyone but for people who have experienced this, or are curious to know what something like this is like. These photographs are for people who need them. What others think I do not care . “
After several hours after receiving the epidural, Chrissy gave birth to her lifeless baby, who was subsequently held by her, John and Chrissy’s mother, who accompanied them through this difficult time. They each said goodbye to him separately and Chrissy kissed his little hands and feet hundreds of times .
” People say that an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. Certainly a hole has been created, but it was filled with the love of something I wanted very much. It doesn’t feel empty, this space. It feels full .”
” Maybe too full, in fact. Sometimes I find myself suddenly crying, thinking how happy I am to have two wonderful little children who fill this house with love. Who I fill with love while Mom yells at me. I don’t care .”
On the one hand, Chrissy regrets that her pain has been suffered by other people for having made everything so public, but in the end, it was all worth it:
” The moments of kindness have been beautiful. I went to the store and the saleswoman secretly added flowers to my cart. Sometimes people come up and give me a note. The worst thing about this is knowing that many women will not receive these quiet moments of joy from strangers. I beg you to share your stories and to be kind to those who open your hearts . Be kind in general, for not everyone will be able to open them . “
Chrissy ends her letter by saying that she has decided to share this writing because she needed to say something before moving on and returning to her life, thanking the opportunity she has been given to speak openly about this and the incredible support received during these difficult times.
Photo | Chrissy teigen
Via | Today
In Babies and more | “Nobody prepares you to live that painful moment”: a mother faced with the difficult decision to interrupt the pregnancy and give birth to her lifeless baby, The emotional project that raises awareness and makes gestational and neonatal losses visible
