The other day, a pregnant friend confessed to me that she was surprised by the number of people who in recent weeks had asked her whether or not she would breastfeed her baby when it was born. “Friends, relatives and acquaintances seem to have a barbaric obsession with this subject . Why does everyone worry so much about the diet that my son will have? “ – I wondered, astonished.
Although I have to say that I have not experienced this situation in any of my three pregnancies, I do believe that the issue of breastfeeding by other mothers generates a lot of curiosity among those close to me, who do not hesitate to get involved, comment or criticize the chosen option; whatever it is.
A question that can cause doubts in the future mother
My friend will be a new mom , and maybe that’s why everything she hears or reads has a great influence on her. You are still in the early stages of your pregnancy, so many issues related to raising your baby sound far away.
Breastfeeding is one of these issues, and although you say you want to breastfeed your baby , you have not yet considered how you will approach it, what problems may arise and make breastfeeding difficult, or who you will go to in case of doubts.
That is why, after listening insistently to the question of whether or not to breastfeed your baby, you are beginning to have doubts and fears that you did not feel before . Not in vain, and with all logic, the following approach is made:
“If everyone asks me about a subject that until now I considered completely normal, instinctive and natural, perhaps it is because it is not as simple as I had in my head …”.
And it is not the same to inform yourself throughout your pregnancy on the subject with the firm conviction of wanting to breastfeed your baby, that practically from the beginning of the pregnancy friends and acquaintances make you doubt, wondering what the option will be of feeding that you will offer to your baby .
Because let’s not fool ourselves, when several people insistently ask your opinion about an issue that until then had no other options for you – that is, my friend was clear that she was going to breastfeed her baby and had not considered Another possible option – it is likely that you will begin to doubt whether the path you had planned to take is appropriate , especially when you have no experience and are in such a vulnerable and influential stage of your life.
Why do we like to have a say in raising other people so much?
But the question in question can not only influence the future mother’s decision by making her doubt herself, but it is also intrusive. And to show the following example:
Unless we are talking about culinary topics or are in a relaxed conversation with trusted friends, it is likely that you do not consider asking your neighbors, family or acquaintances what they are going to dinner tonight.
First, because it is an absurd question; second, because it is gossipy, and third because the answer they give you is not going to contribute anything to your life (what does it matter to you to know what others put on their plates?)
I know, the example is quite silly, but if we really think about it, we will see that asking or giving an opinion about the upbringing that other people carry out is just as absurd and meaningless , unless it is a constructive opinion that adds value or helps , but above all, that it has been requested.
And it is that I will never stop wondering why while you do not have children, people do not get into your life , but the moment you announce that you are pregnant, unsolicited advice, opinions or questions on issues that are part of intimacy begin to rain on you. of your upbringing; from how you are going to sleep, to how you will raise him or what food you will give him.
Pregnant women and new mothers need a tribe to lean on and turn to when in doubt. A tribe that does not judge their decisions, that does not interfere in their parenting options and that contribute and nurture emotionally in these two stages of life so vulnerable and sensitive.
There are many ways to support and express that we are there, but in my opinion it does not help to overwhelm with an issue , sow doubts or try to change a mother’s point of view with indirect and even sometimes hurtful comments.
For this reason, I consider that we should avoid this question and many other phrases that we say to pregnant mothers (almost always without any bad intention) without taking into account the emotional state in which they are and the doubts and fears that they have at this stage – especially when we are first time-.
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In Babies and More | Some phrases that mothers are tired of hearing, do they sound familiar?
