“Mom, have you seen what I can do?” , “Look what a beautiful picture I’ve colored in!”, “Dad, look at me! I’m going to run at full speed!” … It is normal for our children to frequently demand our attention. Parents are their best audience and they enjoy when we watch them and value what they do.
Although it is essential to take care of our children when they complain to us – doing so contributes to increasing their security, happiness and self-esteem – it could be the case that the child’s behavior saturates or overwhelms the parents.
Why do some children always need to be the center of attention? What is behind this behavior and how should we act?
The importance of caring for our children when they claim us
It is normal for children to seek the attention of their parents. They do it in different ways: when they ask us to play, when they tell us something that happened to them at school, when they cry, when they want to help us, when they ask us to stop what we are doing and look at them …
When they approach us in this way, not only do they ensure the sense of connection and belonging that we have talked so much about on other occasions, but they are also strengthening their self-esteem and self-confidence because they feel loved, valued and taken into account by their parents. .
That is why it is so important to attend to the needs of our children, and pay attention to them when they claim us. However, in some cases this demand for attention is so constant that it can overwhelm the parents.
It happens, for example, when the child wants something and wants it now, when he tries to capture the attention of his parents through tantrums or yelling, when he interrupts conversations, when he gets angry if they do not attend to him immediately … In short, when he needs that we are aware of him at every moment.
In these cases it is necessary to find out what may be happening and act in a positive way.
What is behind a child who demands excessive attention?
The first thing we must analyze is whether the child’s behavior has always been this way or is it a streak that he is going through in which he needs to feel especially reinforced. You could also be experiencing a series of changes in your life that increase your insecurities, and for this reason you seek us and demand us more than before to feel better.
Talking to him calmly, trying to figure out what may be hiding behind his attitude and giving him all the support he needs is key to helping him get through those moments.
Likewise, if the child is young, we must know that this type of behavior is normal , since they lack the linguistic and social skills necessary to express what they feel differently. That is why the way they have to capture the attention of their parents in the face of a need that is not being covered is through tantrums (which we must attend immediately with love and respect).
But if we talk about older children who have always acted in this way, children who like to be the center of attention and continuously capture the gazes of their parents without respecting their time, their needs and their space, it is convenient to reflect on the following aspects :
Is my child especially insecure?
Insecure children are afraid of making mistakes and therefore continually need the guidance and approval of others . This insecurity can be derived from multiple causes, being the type of attachment between parents-child and the parenting style a fundamental aspect in the development of the personality.
Do I give it enough autonomy or, on the contrary, am I too controlling?
If we have not promoted the autonomy of our child since childhood, if we always do things for him / her or if we tend to overprotect him and control everything he does, it is normal that the child needs to continually come to us and demand our attention every time. he intends to do something.
Are you too dependent on outside judgment and praise?
If every time our child does something we reward, praise or praise their achievements, it is normal for the child to end up becoming addicted to praise and continually claim us.
The same would happen if we have never fostered their critical spirit or educated them in decision-making; that is, if we have educated you in the continuing need for external judgment.
Am I always needing me?
It is also necessary to reflect on how we react when our child demands our attention :
- Are you one of those who always responds with a “very good” when he shows you something, hardly paying attention to it?
- Do you find it difficult to connect with your child or their needs? (stress, day-to-day rush, daily worries, new technologies … can take us away from those we love the most without even realizing it)
- Do you get irritated or angry when your child complains about you? ( “How heavy you are!” )
Children perceive these forms of disconnection on the part of their parents, and to compensate for this, some may end up demanding their attention with much more intensity through yelling, disrespect, tantrums or “inappropriate behavior” in the eyes of the adult.
Let us remember that children need to belong and feel an important part of their group , so if we do not respond to that natural feeling of belonging, they will do whatever it takes to achieve it in another way.
Keys to treating the situation in a respectful way
When faced with a child who constantly demands our attention, it is normal to feel saturated, frustrated or angry . Parents also need our space, and the demand for excessive attention from children can exhaust us.
However, it is essential to analyze everything mentioned to try to find out the cause of this claim, and thus be able to find a solution.
We share some keys that could help you redirect the situation:
- Positive presence and communication
When you communicate with your child, do so in a positive way and show that you are physically and emotionally present. If you feel like you are engulfed by the whirlwind of everyday life, try creating moments of daily connection as a family through meetings or gatherings. This beautiful tradition encourages dialogue and strengthens bonds, contributing to a positive atmosphere in the home.
Remember : if your child feels heard, validated in his emotions and taken into account, he will not need to get your attention in other ways.
- Set limits with respect and empathy
Children need limits to grow up happy, and these limits must be set with respect, love, and empathy. But it is essential to make him understand that the respect we show him / her and their needs must be reciprocal.
In this sense, the child must understand that he cannot yell at us to get our attention , interrupt a conversation that we are having with another person, demand immediate attention unnecessarily when we are busy with another task … In short, mutual respect and cooperation result keys.
- Promote your child’s autonomy
When we speak of “fostering autonomy” of the child, we do not mean to force or force him to do things, but to give him the possibility of actively participating, believing in him and giving him confidence to do the tasks according to his age. In this way, we will achieve involvement and learning, as well as a healthy self-esteem.
- Encourage him to make decisions for himself
It is essential to encourage the child to make his own decisions in certain areas of his life from an early age . For example, letting him choose his own clothes, asking for his opinion on certain family matters or involving him when we set certain limits, will allow him to grow knowing that his opinion is important and that he can always express it with the certainty that it will be heard and respected.
- Strengthens your skills and self-confidence
We must know how to find the balance between excessive praise and excessive praise for everything our child does, and the reinforcement of their skills.
And it is that if we reinforce his virtues and strengths and show that we trust him, our son will feel capable of doing things himself without the need for our constant supervision and approval.
- Teach him to wait
Young children do not understand the concept of time, which is why they often have a hard time being patient . It is necessary to explain to them the importance of waiting and of respecting the other person’s time. For this, we must also be patient with them and not transfer our haste and our immediacy to their day to day.
Photos | cover (Photo by mohamed abdelghaffar on Pexels), iStock
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