With the use of social networks, it is currently very fashionable to share with family, friends and even strangers, everything related to the arrival of a baby: from the pregnancy announcement, the revelation of the baby’s gender and their first photos.
Now that parties, photographs and videos to announce the sex of the baby are very fashionable and everywhere, families who decide to wait until delivery to find out if they are expecting a boy or a girl stand out .
We spoke with some of them who did not want to know the sex of the baby before its birth and they share with us the reason for their decision, as well as some tips for those who decide to control the anxiety of knowing and prefer surprise .
Boy or girl?
When we find out that we are expecting a baby, after the excitement of the moment, a million doubts and questions flood our minds: when will we be able to see him on the ultrasound? Do we wait to break the news? What will we need during pregnancy? And definitely, one of the questions that we all probably ask ourselves at some point is: will it be a girl or will it be a boy?
In ancient times this was impossible to know, but today and thanks to advances in technology, from the 20th week of pregnancy we can know if we are expecting a boy or a girl, and thus prepare everything we will need, according to the sex that is. our baby.
Hence, nowadays the parties to reveal the sex of the baby are very fashionable, as well as the trends in decoration of the room that will be for him or her, which we can choose in advance and give it the touch we want according to what we are waiting.
But despite the fact that knowing the sex of the baby from pregnancy today is the most normal or common, there are still families who decide to wait. We speak with seven moms, who tell us how they and their partners chose to wait for surprise and not know the sex of their baby before delivery.
The decision not to know the sex of the baby during pregnancy
Making the decision to know if a girl or a boy is expected is something that happens differently for each family, in the case of Ruby, 22 years old and mother of a three-month-old baby, it was something they chose when their baby was not left see in ultrasounds :
“At 6 months we already wanted to know but it was not seen. Then we went back and it did not work, that was when we decided better to wait for the birth.”
On the other hand, there are those who did have it planned, even before they got pregnant , as Coqui, 32 years old and mother of two children, tells us:
Since we were newlyweds, my husband and I believed that it would be fun and exciting to wait until the birth to find out if we would have a boy or a girl, although it was not something totally defined at that time.
Once we found out that we were expecting our first baby, we returned to the idea of waiting until the birth. And when we share the news of the pregnancy with family and friends, we express this wish.
In other very special cases, such as that of Karina, 33 years old and mother of a child, knowing the sex of the baby was not a priority, since she was admitted during her pregnancy for a kidney infection, which made it necessary to know if she waited girl or boy was something secondary :
At the beginning I was more than willing to know the sex of my baby, however at almost 3 months of pregnancy I had to go to the hospital for chronic pyelonephritis and my pregnancy was considered high risk, so knowing the sex of the baby passed in the background, while his health and mine was the priority.
On the other hand, this decision can be made because of previous experiences, where in the end, the baby does not turn out to be of the sex that the parents had told , as Karla, 32 years old and mother of two girls, tells:
The idea of not knowing the sex of the baby arose in my pregnancy, because there is a long list of babies in my family in which the ultrasound showed one sex and were born of the opposite, the last case was when I was pregnant with my eldest daughter.
Social pressure to know the sex of the baby
Although the mothers interviewed and their partners decided to wait, as we know, some people take pregnancy as an invitation to give their opinion or advice. Sometimes this is good, because they share very valuable recommendations, but also in this case, there is pressure from friends and family to know if the baby that is coming is a boy or a girl .
In the case of Irinna, 29 years old and mother of a daughter, despite the fact that her partner supported her in waiting, the grandparents did not think the same:
Yes there was pressure from the family, both my parents and my in-laws, they always told me to ask to know the sex of the baby, to start buying things.
Usually, one of the reasons why family or friends want to know if a woman is expecting a boy or girl is usually that, to buy her gifts or clothes according to sex. But Liliana, 31 years old and mother of two children, recommended that if they wanted to give her something, they should be useful things in which it did not matter if it was a boy or a girl :
Co-workers and family pressured us on the pretext of choosing a suitable gift. I answered that diapers always take care of me and I did not let them bother me, I was sure of what I wanted.
In the end, family and friends understood that this was the couple’s decision, and as Coqui tells us, waiting for the baby to be born to find out if it was a boy or a girl brought them closer together :
The main comments they made us were: “and how will you organize the baby shower?”, “What color are you going to buy things?”, “If you don’t want to know, ok, let the doctor tell me and no I say nothing to you, ”and so on.
But once they realized that it was our decision and it would not change, most of the people accepted it and shared our emotion, they even organized pools where they tried to guess the sex and day of birth, we felt them more involved and in expectation, the same than us. That “pressure” to know if it was a boy or a girl became a greater rapprochement of family and friends, because nowadays it is not so common to wait until the baby is born.
How do you manage to keep it a secret and resist curiosity?
As a mother who longed to know if she was expecting a boy or a girl, it is hard for me to imagine not having known that she was expecting a daughter from the fourth month of my pregnancy, and therefore this is one of the questions that I was most interested in asking those who decided to wait.
The first thing they had to do, and according to what most of the interviewees told us, was always to warn before the ultrasound that they did not want to know the sex of the baby , because as I mentioned at the beginning, today it is very common to want to know if wait boy or girl.
For his part, Coqui says that to calm the anxiety of knowing if a boy or a girl was expected, they decided to pay more attention to other things during their pregnancy, such as preparing for childbirth :
We began to focus on preparing for what was to come, reading pregnancy and childbirth books, attending courses, and that allowed us to relax, focus our energies and begin to understand that, in being parents, there are many things that we cannot control So why not let things flow and accept it in such a way. Just as we did not want to know the sex, we did not decide either to define the date of birth, hoping that it was delivery and, if the circumstances warranted cesarean section, that it was by decision of the doctor.
Why do you recommend waiting for delivery to know the sex of the baby
Waiting throughout a pregnancy for the arrival of a baby, and not knowing if it is a boy or a girl until the day of delivery, surely gives rise to many surprises and very emotional moments . One of the main reasons they recommend waiting is because it is a very special feeling:
” The emotion is different, it is very different when it is born and then when they tell you what it is. It is very nice to receive the surprise, ” says Karla, while Estefanía says that the emotion has increased since pregnancy : ” An emotion grows in you huge and you are looking for names for both sexes, that is to say if it is such a girl, and if this is a boy “.
For her part, Irinna shares the reasons why she really enjoyed that decision and why she advises other mothers to do the same :
I recommend it because it is a very beautiful illusion not knowing what life will give you, that emotion and adrenaline I loved.
And for Liliana, it is also something very beautiful and that gives the opportunity to experience a whole series of new and different emotions :
The even greater illusion is created, you do not limit yourself to imagining just one scenario, you open yourself to all the activities when having a baby and I think, that it transmits that your love is not limited to anything, you love it and you will love it for being your little one.
For mothers and fathers who decide to wait
Finally, after reading their experiences when deciding not to know the sex of their baby until birth, I asked them to share some advice for those who also chose to wait , and this is what they recommended:
- ” Enjoy the uncertainty, it seems to have no end, but it is a joy when the moment comes “, Liliana.
- ” If you decide to wait and decide together, do not be pressured by others, empower yourself and do what you decided” , Irinna.
- “Do not ask and anticipate the doctor about your desire not to know the sex of the baby until birth and stand firm with the decision to wait no matter the pressure. As for clothing, buy all solid colors and with unisex prints ( in our case we did not care if they said the typical: pink girl, blue boy since we knew that it is a stereotype that does not define anything) “ , Estefanía.
- “If it’s your decision and you both agree, don’t let others overwhelm you with comments about why not know. And it’s also an exercise that, being parents, everyone fills you with unsolicited opinions. Ultimately no one but you know the best decision for your family “ , Coqui.
- “The only advice I would give you is not to be pressured by family and friends, in the end it is your decision” , Karla.
- “Let them be encouraged and hold their curiosity, it is very nice when the day they are born they give them the news” , Ruby.
- “Saving that beautiful moment of discovering sex until delivery is a recommended experience” , Karina.
Undoubtedly both experiences, that of knowing the sex of the baby during pregnancy and also that of deciding to wait until delivery, have their magic and give us many moments full of illusion. Honestly, I was delighted with their answers and if they had a baby again, I would probably try trying to wait until their birth to find out if they are a boy or a girl .
Photos | Pexels
