I sincerely understand that some parents prefer not to know the sex of their baby until it is born. Among the reasons they usually use: surprise, focus on more important health issues, experience pregnancy as something more intimate, only from the parents, without the interference of family and friends, so as not to sexualize the children …
However, my answer was clear to me when the specialist asked me for hand ultrasound, if I wanted to know: “I do want to know the sex of my baby .” Because all the reasons given to wait are also lived if you decide not to … and more. At least that’s my experience.
Question of character
From the 20th week of pregnancy, the baby’s genitalia are fully formed, so through a simple ultrasound it is possible to know if we are expecting a boy or a girl. But since it is not an exact science, there are times when they cannot be seen due to posture and others when, in week 13, it is distinguished from which sex it is.
In my case, the mother of a girl and a boy, I experienced both extremes, but in both I wanted to know their sex.
I am a nervous and restless person, who likes not to leave until tomorrow what he can do today , and who likes to solve everything in his power to focus on other tasks that require more dedication.
So when I got pregnant, my priorities didn’t change. Just as I did all the innocuous prenatal tests to be more calm knowing that my baby was growing healthy, why not know if it was going to be a boy or a girl to remove that uncertainty from my head and thus focus on the things that really mattered: taking care of myself and taking care of him .
Also, although it may seem trivial, both his father and I were very excited to imagine what his face was going to be like and it was easier if we already knew his gender. This way we would also have fewer options to go crazy choosing the perfect name. It was even easier to get the relatives off of us as soon as possible by answering the typical question of “what is it going to be?” with a single conclusive word and that they could buy whatever gift they wanted.
But fate always has surprises in store for us and that’s how it was in my first pregnancy. They took it to me by the Public Health, so they did the three ultrasounds included in the protocol. I was young and had no health problems, so I didn’t consider doing any more, because everything was going perfectly.
My husband and I went to see our son for the first time very excited and nervous, trusting that he would be fine. We even joked with the possibility of knowing whether it would be a boy or a girl, even knowing that it was very small and that it was difficult.
He did not want to show his genitals, but we left there just as excited and happy. I think that was when the father really realized that we were going to have a baby, that it was real. Sex was the least important: our baby was growing well, there were no problems. We knew that we would love him no matter how he was, because we already loved him to madness.
And the long-awaited second ultrasound arrived, where the gynecologist told us that we could possibly know if we were going to have a boy or a girl. But he did not want to unravel the mystery either and we returned home even happier than the first time: our baby had already grown a lot and he was so perfect, he did not present any problem.
So we would have to keep waiting to imagine her face with more certainty or choose her name. As for preparing your room or your clothes for the first time, your crib or your chair …
Finally, in the third and last ultrasound, the technician asked us the long-awaited question: “Do you want to know the sex of your baby?” and we both answered in unison yes: and then Kenya became much more real.
Although before that day we talked about how we imagined our baby would be, and the things we would do together, I think that it was not until I closed the office that I was aware that I was convinced that it would be a boy. And the hormones played a trick on me and I started crying (once again for no reason) apologizing to his father because he wanted a child. What a great nonsense! He assured me that he had never preferred one sex to the other and that he was totally happy because from then on he could start spoiling his daughter:
“I am very sorry for you, but I win because girls have a weakness for their parents.”
And he was not wrong.
A calmer pregnancy
With my second son it seems that all the stars aligned so that he lived nine months of tranquility and sweet waiting. It is true that when you are already a mother and you have not had any complications in your first pregnancy, you face pregnancy with more peace of mind, knowing what awaits you or the changes that your body is going to experience.
But it is also true that you have less time to take care of yourself, because there is a child who demands your constant attention and, in my case, I added the fact of working for maternity facilities that constantly reminded me of all the things that could go wrong.
So when in the first ultrasound they asked us to our surprise if we wanted to know the sex of our baby, again we answered yes without thinking about it or having previously consulted each other.
Unlike with his sister, every time we bought a garment or prepared his space in our house, we always referred to him: “I want to see how handsome Yago is in this shirt” or “Surely Yago is going to adore to her sister”.
I am aware that many parents will find it silly, but it took away my anxiety, helped me focus on other things and not waste time thinking about what to do or what it will be like in the case of having male or female genitalia.
In fact, like most parents, I didn’t care to give my older daughter a brother or sister. In both cases I was going to educate him the same, to treat him the same, to go out of my way for him the same.
But I liked seeing how she stuck her hatred to my gut and addressed him giving him personality because she also imagined how he was going to be, how we were going to dress him or what they were going to play. I was delighted to see his surprised and happy face when he accompanied us to “meet his little brother” for the second ultrasound.
Nor did we do anything special, much less a party to reveal the sex of our son, we only said it when they asked us, so that we shut their mouths faster and they left us alone without having to endure the “scientific deductions of experienced mothers “ as in my first pregnancy: ” It’s going to be a girl because you have a round belly “ , ” you’re going to have a boy because you’re very pretty “…
And as for the illusion of discovering it at the time of delivery … I prefer to dose the surprise, because is not it enough joy and excitement to hold your child in your arms for the first time or eat him with kisses while you go through every detail of your little one? body?
As I anticipated at the beginning of my reflection, this is only my testimony and I understand why there are parents who do not think like me. But I assure you that you decide what you decide, the two options are just as incredible and valid. Don’t you think the same?
By the way! If you decide that you do not want to know the sex of your baby, notify before the ultrasound so that the surprise does not spoil you sooner than expected.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and More | The face they made when they realized that the girl they were expecting was a boy, And this is the face that a woman has when she gives birth to the family’s first male child in 50 years
