Pampering children or giving many whims: yes or no? What does consent really mean?
Currently there is a lot of information about the different parenting styles that exist, and while some defend allowing children to develop a healthy personality, there are others who propose the opposite, questioning these actions as negative for their development.
So, among so much information it is confusing to know if it is good or bad to pamper our children. If you have asked yourself this and still do not know the answer, do not worry, here we will explain it a little better.
Be that as it may, it is important to emphasize that, in the education of our children, all decisions are fine if they are free and made with full awareness; We should never question or judge the parenting style of other families.
However, it is interesting to know the consequences of the different practices that we can carry out during motherhood and fatherhood and, above all, begin to define what consent really means.
Pampering children: what does it really mean?
The main confusion arises when faced with this question, not because we know whether we should do it or not, but because many times we are not very clear about what consent consists of .
For many, consenting is about giving gifts and all the whims that our children want, while for others, consenting is about giving affection, showing affection through physical contact, with words of love, etc.
True consent goes from the latter, from affection, because giving children everything they want is not consent, it is just giving in to their whims and this does not turn out to be so positive.
Consequences of consenting or giving all the whims to our children
Pampering with demonstrations of love to our children has no risks. But when we consent to them with objects , giving in to their whims and desires without any kind of criteria or sense, yes, and it is that through these actions we promote:
- That they do not learn to tolerate frustration or generate strategies to face the refusals of others.
- Have tantrums to express their discontent. It’s not because they’re bad, it’s just that they don’t know how to handle these situations.
- That they do not know how to act in situations in which effort is required to achieve something.
- That they do not learn to value the things they have, because they achieve them without effort.
- That they don’t learn that everything has its value and how beautiful it is to earn them with effort.
- They don’t learn to wait, because they get used to having everything the moment they ask for it.
All this may not seem to be a big inconvenience for some parents, since they have no problem being the order of the day to fulfill the wishes and whims of their children , but remember that at some point, your child must go out into the world and interact with other people who are not going to be willing to do the same for him.
In these cases, the main problems arise when the children start school and they are overwhelmed by a reality in which the world does not revolve around them, something that can be very distressing for the children.
“It is easier to raise strong children than to mend broken men.”
-Frederick Douglas-
Benefits of pampering our children through love
When we talk about consenting with displays of affection, this also has different consequences for children.
In these cases, there are people who affirm that the excessive display of affection makes the children become dependent on the parents, and that they do not help them to grow.
Fortunately, research has advanced and has been able to confirm that constantly showing affection to our children only brings positive things for their full development and healthy growth. And it is that through this way of consenting you can:
- Strengthen the bond between parents and children.
- Physical contact through caresses and hugs to our children also helps them strengthen their immune system.
- It also helps regulate the nervous system, especially in the case of babies.
- Having a strong emotional bond helps them feel more secure.
- It favors the self-esteem of our children.
- Decreases anxiety levels.
Thus, far from what many people believe, constantly pampering our children through physical contact and words of affection does not make them dependent or insecure. Unlike!
A child who develops a secure type of attachment with his parents (cultivated through love) builds healthy relationships in the future , feels sure of himself and his abilities, and grows up with a strong personality and healthy self-esteem.
Consent… in what way?
When we talk about consent, it is necessary to determine what we are referring to.
Consent in the sense of giving our children every whim, regardless of their behavior, without rules or limits, does not bring any kind of benefit; On the contrary, it can be very detrimental to their healthy development. Of course, each specific case must be assessed.
consent with love
On the other hand, if we refer to consent as the act of offering physical contact through kisses, hugs and caresses or tickles, as well as smiles and the use of words of affirmation that indicate to our children that we love them and that they count on us , there are multiple positive aspects in it.
Remember that:
“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.”
-Oscar Wilde-
And being happy has nothing to do with the material things we have or offer, but with knowing that we are loved, cared for and appreciated.
Photos | Portada (freepik)
