Perinatal death is that which takes place from the 26th week of gestation or in the first seven days after the baby is born. According to data from the Ministry of Health , in our country perinatal mortality stands at 4.5 deaths per 1,000 live births.
It is not difficult to imagine how hard this experience will be for parents. However, society is determined to hide this terrible pain , and couples often face the absence of medical protocols, little training in perinatal death of the personnel who treat them and no understanding on the part of the environment.
With the help of two experts, we have approached the issue of perinatal death from different perspectives .
On the one hand, the health psychologist Marta Valiente explains the psychological impact that parents have on going through this grief, and how we can help them. On the other hand, the gynecologist and obstetrician, Paloma Baviera, reflects on how the situation should be handled from the hospitals and what must be taken into account to care for parents who are going through this difficult time.
Grief after the baby’s perinatal death
The loss of a baby , both in utero and in childbirth or in its first days of life, is a vital event that the psychologist Marta Valiente describes as “traumatic”, and that triggers the onset of grief.
Although according to the psychologist, “there are as many griefs as there are people”, some peculiarities can be observed in the case of parents who face the perinatal death of their baby.
“As the pregnancy progresses , the bond established by the parents with their baby is strengthened , expectations are modified, illusion and hope increase … In short, a progressive adaptation is made towards a new life that includes changes, both physical and material , as emotional and family “- details this psychologist specialized in assisted reproduction, anxiety, depression and addictions at the Team Juana Crespo Fertility Clinic.
For the expert, losing the baby in an advanced stage of pregnancy or even at the time of delivery is a risk factor for the development of a complicated or pathological grief, experiencing it as a traumatic experience.
On the other hand, Marta considers it a mistake to establish “times of mourning”, since “ each couple has their own circumstances and the elaboration of their mourning will depend on numerous factors, both individual, family, social, cultural, support available to them. . “
What this psychologist does emphasize is that it is essential to go through the mourning through all its phases “so that the symptoms do not reappear at the prospect of a new pregnancy .”
“Action protocols are needed in hospitals to care for these couples”
Couples who suffer this type of loss often confess to feeling very lonely and misunderstood from minute zero.
First, because of the management that the hospital itself makes of its situation (mothers admitted to the maternity ward despite having lost their babies; little information about breastfeeding when the baby has died; absence of protocols that help to minimize the risk of psychological impact of this experience, lack of specialized personnel to psychologically care for parents from the hospital …).
But, in addition, parents complain of a lack of understanding on the part of the environment , which does not know how to act to help them.
Dr. Paloma Baviera – Gynecologist and Obstetrician specialized in human reproduction at the Equipo Juana Crespo Fertility Clinic – believes that “currently there is a greater sensitivity on the part of health personnel and society in general regarding perinatal grief” , although it still tends to underestimated in some health centers.
For this reason, this gynecologist believes it is necessary to establish protocols for action in hospitals, flexible to the particularities of each family, to properly care for couples:
“There should be a protocol, both for medication and evacuation of remains, as well as for analgesia during the process to avoid physical pain. Sedation and even epidural anesthesia is a common procedure that is available to all women in most cases. centers.
“In addition, a suitable place should be found to attend to these cases , away from midwifery and delivery rooms where other women are giving birth to their babies, and if this is not possible, place them in separate rooms where they have a space for privacy and security “- reflects the expert.
On the other hand, Paloma considers essential to begin to go through the grief, the attitude of the health personnel who cares for the mother or partner in the first moments .
“Our attitude must be empathetic and respectful, allowing them to make their own decisions as far as possible . We must accompany and console, and help them in the search for support and resolution of doubts.”
“Seeing, touching and holding the baby helps in the grieving process”
With regard to parents being able to see and touch their deceased baby , Dr. Baviera assures that most studies recommend it.
“You have to offer parents this option if they so wish, with the aim of creating bonds and memories that help them in their grieving process”
In this sense, more and more associations are emerging that offer parents elements that help to remember their baby, such as boxes to store the hospital bracelet, the cord clip or a lock of hair, pictures with the baby’s footprints, Photographs…
“All these procedures should serve as a guide and be guided by qualified and trained personnel, and as far as possible take into account the intercultural varieties of the couple” – advises Paloma.
The action of the environment is key to helping parents who have lost their baby
Not talking about the loss of that baby or trying to comfort broken parents with inappropriate phrases is something more common than we think. However, it is essential that the couple’s environment is aware of the psychological impact that this loss implies, and that family and friends know how to act to help them go through their grief.
“In addition, small gestures can be carried out that will undoubtedly help logistically, such as preparing food or shopping. Ultimately, it is about tuning in and supporting whatever is needed”
On the other hand, the psychologist points out that it is extremely important to avoid set phrases, such as the typical “you are young, you will have more children”:
“Although our intention is to help, when we say this type of thing we are minimizing or trivializing the pain of parents . Therefore, if we do not know what to say, it is best to accompany, support and be by their side, instead of trying to respond to the whys of the person who has suffered the loss “
But on many occasions the support of the environment is not enough to overcome this hard loss , so Dr. Baviera considers it essential that the couple have the possibility to express their feelings to a professional, and have advice to guide and accompany them in the different stages of grief.
Photos | iStock, Pexels
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