The arrival of a new baby in the family is a moment full of many emotions, illusion and, let’s face it, a little fear. If this process can seem overwhelming as adults, imagine how it can be from the perspective of your oldest child (who may still be young).
This is not to make you feel bad or worry, but to make you aware and take care of what you can do to help him understand what is going to happen and allow him to express and channel his emotions in the most appropriate way possible.
We talk about the emotions that your child may feel with the arrival of a little brother and how you can welcome them so that he feels accompanied.
“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.”
-Marc Brown-
The arrival of a little brother: dealing with doubts
When the family dynamic changes or is in the process of change, doubts arise, and for this reason it is of the utmost importance that you be able to address these issues with your child.
The worst thing we can do is ignore what’s going on, or leave you no room to ask questions about it.
We advise you not to take anything for granted; don’t assume your older child is okay or has it all figured out.
The importance of speaking openly
Do not be afraid to ask him how he feels about the new situation , what his thoughts, illusions and fears are like.
If your child has doubts, clarify them using language appropriate to their age so that they can understand. You can also opt for children’s stories that talk about the arrival of a new little brother.
Don’t leave questions hanging, because your child won’t stop looking for answers , and if he doesn’t get true information from you, he will look for information from other sources (such as other children at school), which may give him distorted answers.
The illusion of being the older brother
Many children show great enthusiasm at the idea of the arrival of a little brother, and even more, when they are excited to have the “title” of big brother.
But, hey! We unconsciously avoid giving him this new role, which often entails excessive expectations for children ; that is, let’s try not to make him feel pressured because we “hope” him to be the example of the new little brother.
And going back to the illusion, even if this happens, do not lower your guard against the signs that your child may give. Although I am very happy about the arrival of the new baby.
Other common emotions before the arrival of a little brother
It is perfectly normal that at times your older child may feel a little sad and even frustrated or angry (this is a time of many changes).
If you notice changes in his usual behavior, with a lot of patience and love, approach him and try to find out what he feels.
Always remind him that your love for him will not disappear or lessen, but explain that since the baby is very small he always needs your help and that is why you will spend a lot of time with him, something that you also did when he was still very small.
The dreaded jealousy
On the other hand, there is jealousy, something very normal in this new stage. And it is that jealousy is one of the issues that generates more anguish in parents. No one wants to have to go through this, knowing that our eldest son feels bad, recriminates us and that he may feel angry towards his younger brother.
But, we insist, feeling jealous at some point is something perfectly normal and expected, so don’t worry if you go through this.
You just have to be patient in explaining to your child what is going on, and more importantly, that you reserve some quality time just for the two of you (meaning that you can maintain, as much as possible and what the new family logistics allow you, a time together, just for you).
We know it’s a bit complicated, but it’s worth the effort.
Regressions
On the other hand, at this stage some children tend to have a certain involution, adopting behaviors from previous stages.
Do not get upset with him or scold him, give him a lot of love and understand that it is the way your son finds to feel that he also has the same level of attention not only from you, but from the whole family.
The arrival of a little brother in the family: how to accompany my first child?
If you want to help your child prepare for the arrival of the baby, you can try the following recommendations:
- Teach him how you take care of the baby ; show him how you bathe him, how you put diapers on, how you feed him, etc. This does not mean that he will do it, just teach him.
- Make gradual changes . The arrival of the baby is a very strong change, avoid including others, such as changing your oldest child’s room, for example. If you must, do it months before (or after) the baby’s arrival.
- Involve your older child in activities related to the care of the baby (in the tasks that they can take on, even if they are simple). It is important that you feel valued and taken into account.
- Show him love and how important he is still , that “nothing has changed” in this regard. Verbalize it too. This should be a constant exercise for the whole family.
- Spend quality time with your older child ; it doesn’t have to be many hours a day; Remember that it is not about quantity, but about quality.
- Remember that it is still small . Although, compared to the baby they seem very big children, they are still small, do not forget it.
Bet on naturalness
One of the most important aspects of the arrival of a baby is not trying to “force” the older sibling to love him or to show that everything is okay. Love arises, it is created naturally.
Avoid pinning “big brother” expectations
Sometimes jealousy makes it difficult to express that love, but everything will come without forcing it. And, this is a mistake that parents make sometimes, with all the good intentions in the world.
However, this only makes our older child further away from establishing a relationship with his little brother and feels pressure (as well as the expectations that he should play “big brother”; let’s avoid placing them on him).
love and patience
Thus, if you notice that your older child gets angry and does not want to approach the baby, do not scold him or force him to have feelings that are still blooming.
With a lot of love and patience, integrate him into the dynamics of the baby’s life and let him talk to you about how he feels.
Photos | cover (freepik)
