Before I got pregnant with my first child, I often visualized myself at that stage in life that seemed so wonderful and idyllic. I was very young then and in my environment there were no pregnant women or recent moms, so everything related to pregnancy came to me through magazine photos, articles or movie scenes that had little to do with the reality that later would wait for me.
And it is that when you live a pregnancy where you have such a bad time that you do not even want to share the news with your relatives, it is when you realize that that idyllic image that we often strive to show has nothing to do with you and what you’re going through
That is why I think it is also necessary to show this other B side of pregnancy ; the one where you don’t enjoy anything and you’re looking forward to it ending. If my words resonate with you, this reflection is directed to you.
There can be many reasons why pregnancy is not enjoyable
When you are a first time and you read articles related to pregnancy, you more or less get an idea of the symptoms that you may experience or of the different stages that you will go through as your pregnancy progresses.
But, what happens when what you live is not what you had been told?
When you are nauseous until the last day of pregnancy and any smell makes you vomit so much that you can’t even leave the house. When you are so tired that you feel unable to take care of your other children, and the guilt for not wanting to play with them gnaws at you inside.
When you have to spend your pregnancy at rest due to complications with the placenta, threat of premature labor or any other problem that is putting your baby’s health at risk. And as a consequence of this, you cannot help but put yourself in the worst possible day, wish that time passes as quickly as possible and, again, feel guilty for not living that stage with the fullness expected .
When you have previously suffered numerous pregnancy losses, traumatic experiences, or even the perinatal death of another baby. So, your new pregnancy removes you so much on an emotional level that you feel that you cannot free yourself from the fears that remembering that terrible experience causes you.
But there are not only physical or emotional factors that can cloud this stage of life . There are also women who suffer serious family, social, economic or any other kind of problems for whom the news of a pregnancy can be terrifying, so that they do not live it with the happiness with which it is always assumed to be lived.
Living a bad pregnancy leaves you a bittersweet taste: my experience
I would have loved to enjoy my pregnancies , but the reality is that I did not do it (at least not of the three and fully) because the circumstances that surrounded them prevented me from doing so.
My first pregnancy was high risk due to a uterine malformation that forced me to have relative rest from the fifth month, due to contractions and the threat of premature labor. I remember that all I wanted was for time to pass as quickly as possible , because each week that my baby held within me increased his chances of survival in case of early labor.
My son did not have a name until the seventh month of pregnancy. I also did not accept gifts for him, nor did I want to buy anything from him until the doctors assured me that the danger had passed. They were very hard weeks and of great uncertainty, and in which the expression “enjoy the pregnancy” had no place .
Far from improving, with my second pregnancy things got complicated , as I suffered several previous gestational losses that made me face the pregnancy with great fear and uncertainty. I was also diagnosed with thrombophilia and had to start taking heparin, and suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum that kept me in check until the seventh month.
And I, who was hoping to make up for all those feelings from the first time, saw myself again carrying a much heavier backpack!
So when I got pregnant with my third child I decided to put into practice the teachings of the two previous pregnancies and charge myself with “good vibes”, as they say colloquially. The problems were still there (risky pregnancy, thrombophilia, emotional stress …), but the mental exercise I did helped me to face this stage in a more relaxed way; something that both my baby and I deeply appreciated.
My advice to all those pregnant women who are having a hard time
If you are pregnant and you are going through any of these situations, I would like to dedicate a few words to you .
First of all, I would like to tell you to allow yourself to feel without blaming yourself for it . Let your emotions flow and don’t feel bad if they are not like others think they should be. And it is not; You should not be happy, full and overflowing for the simple fact of being pregnant, because each woman lives her own circumstances and these must always be respected.
Second, and although it may seem difficult, I advise you to try to think positive and connect with your baby . We know that they perceive our emotional state and that being sad and anxious does not benefit them.
That is why I recommend that you try to find moments that allow you to establish that connection in a relaxed, intimate and special way, such as through music, bathing, breathing exercises or sports such as yoga. I assure you that you will feel much better!
And finally, I would like to tell you that you are not alone . It is true that your reality and mine are not the ones that are usually shown, but if you are having a bad time, do not hesitate to complain, talk about it with your circle of trust or even ask for professional help if you consider it.
You may feel like you’re going against the tide at this stage in life where most women seem to enjoy and emanate happiness from every pore on their skin. But you are not weird, or unique, and you have every right in the world to express how you feel.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and More | I am pregnant, but stop blaming my hormones for everything, now more than ever, pregnant women need to feel supported, for their well-being and that of their babies
