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You are finally expecting a baby: how to face a pregnancy after years of infertility

Statistics indicate that a high number of couples have difficulty conceiving; Specifically, it is estimated that almost 15% of men and women have fertility problems. However, despite this, little is said about it, and it remains a taboo subject in our society.

But the truth is that these behaviors only increase the pain and loneliness that is felt by believing that it is an issue that happens only to us, when the numbers show that this is not the case.

Fortunately, every day there is a greater openness and willingness on the part of many people (couples and specialists) to talk about infertility. Despite this, there is an even more specific topic, which is less talked about, and that is what happens when after years of infertility , assisted reproduction treatments, suffering, uncertainty… suddenly a pregnancy is achieved. We talk about the fear and emotions that arise in this situation and how to deal with them.

How to face a pregnancy after years of infertility?

There are many emotions that we can experience with the arrival of a pregnancy after years of suffering, searching, perhaps a long history of assisted reproduction treatments, physical and mental exhaustion…

And it is that, perhaps you thought that you would never be a mother, and suddenly, you see that positive in your pregnancy test. You are in shock , you don’t know whether to cry, whether to believe it… you had thought about giving up so many times, and now, it seems that you are beginning to see light after this long dark road… But you also feel afraid, very afraid. What if it doesn’t work out? You ask yourself.

The truth is that the most common emotions in this type of situation are; on the one hand, the fear of what might happen, and on the other, the guilt for not being able to enjoy the pregnancy (as well as a “prudent” illusion for having finally achieved it, which also makes us happy).

First of all, it is important that you understand that these emotions are natural and make sense, even if you feel overwhelmed right now. But how to deal with them? Should we fight not to feel them or allow them to be there, go through them…?

After years of searching, treatments and infertility, when pregnancy is achieved a very intense emotion appears, which can coexist with illusion: fear.

Fear: a common emotion when pregnancy arrives after a long road

A pregnancy is always about a moment full of hopes and happiness, yes, but it is also loaded with many fears and anxiety that are normal within this process.

Thus, regardless of whether we have been trying for years or whether it has been an easy pregnancy to achieve; fear is always present, especially during the first weeks, when there is a greater risk of miscarriage.

However, in cases where couples believe they are infertile and after several years achieve a pregnancy, emotions can intensify, and the pregnancy can become a real surprise that can further fuel these fears that we are talking about .

A difficult road where stress predominates

These fears are heightened because we are not talking about a relatively easy search for a pregnancy, but rather that in infertility processes, couples have often experienced several miscarriages during the search for a pregnancy, they have been searching for many years, etc.

And these gestational losses that we mentioned may be due to the different causes of the couple’s infertility (for example, immunological or inflammatory problems).

And to all this is added the stress of this type of process, reaching pregnancy being highly medicalized by assisted reproduction treatments, interventions, etc. Thus, in this complex context, we know that all these antecedents generate fear and added stress to the process, which makes it difficult for the couple to relax when the long-awaited pregnancy arrives.

understanding the fear

First of all, it will be important for you to understand that this fear you feel is totally normal . Let him feel, do not try to run away from him. It can also be good for you to find a way to not obsess over him and not allow him to dominate you.

He understands its meaning, its function, and tries to learn to live with it, since sooner or later it will go away. On the other hand, looking for distracting and relaxing activities that allow you to disconnect, momentarily, from fear and from the pregnancy itself, can also help you.

And if all this is very difficult for you, we recommend that you seek therapeutic help through a perinatal psychologist. With it, you will also be able to work on other feelings that the arrival of this pregnancy is making you experience.

The challenge of living with these emotions

On the other hand, paying attention to emotions is essential in these cases, because they play an important role in overall health. It is not about refusing to feel fear, anxiety or anguish , but about knowing how to accommodate them but not getting hooked on them.

Being afraid and thinking that something will go wrong during the process is a valid feeling that you can and need to express in order to let go and free yourself from it. But keep in mind that it is normal to feel these fears, this uncertainty, this guilt for not being able to enjoy the pregnancy as you would like

Trust, solve your doubts and let go of guilt

Going back to how to deal with this cocktail of emotions, it can also help you to assess the real chances of something bad happening; Solve doubts with your doctors, verbalize what you feel to your partner, team up together, also express yourself with your trusted people, trust yourself, your body and your medical team.

And avoid obsessing over every detail of the pregnancy, which can go wrong. Don’t lose your focus worrying about things that surely won’t happen.

Focus on what you are living , on that wonderful experience of having a life growing within you. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t believe it, still get excited or buy the baby’s clothes, ” just in case …”. Sooner or later you will surely connect with that illusion, and remember that illusion can coexist with fear.

Photos | Cover (Unsplash)

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