Those of us who have been mothers, surely we remember those days that were endless, when our babies were very young and there were days when we could hardly even shower. I now remember them with nostalgia, although at the time they were anything but idyllic and they were a small sample of how hard parenting can be and the loneliness that can be felt at that time in your life.
In my case, there is a particular day that I remember as if it were yesterday, and although now it is one more anecdote of my history as a mother, I still feel some of the overwhelm that I felt. I was a new mother, my baby was not even one month old and his father had already returned to work. That day came in the afternoon and found us on the sofa, her crying and me without showering and overwhelmed because she did not understand how my day had gone like that, cradling and breastfeeding in a loop almost since night without stopping. At that moment I felt that I was not in control of anything and that the situation was getting over me.
Your routine disappears, but a new one arrives: that of learning to be a mother
The change that occurs in your life when having a baby is so great, that surely if it catches you without a family to support you, with a cesarean section that does not finish healing and with a laughter paternity leave (as was our case) , you can get to feel that a hurricane has passed over you.
I am clear that there are much worse situations than the ones I experienced, but now that I can talk about it normally with other mothers (because apparently when you are just giving birth you should look radiant with happiness, even if inside you feel like crying for three hours in a row) , I realize that this feeling is more common than we think. Being like this, alone with our offspring, with fatigue at its best, dark circles on the surface and the feeling that you no longer have control of anything, is something that has happened to many of us, although little is said about it.
Yet everything passes . At first it seems that there is no end, but as the days go by you will realize that little by little you will take control of the situation, and that although for the moment you stop being the owner of your time, you will feel more skilled in your role.
What to do if I am in that situation?
Obviously from all these experiences you learn and with my second daughter I checked it. On this second occasion I decided to enjoy her and her first times more, relax more and try to be more practical so that the routine could be reorganized quickly and effectively (I needed it, because when a second baby arrives, the first one demands even more. attention):
Prioritizes
When we are new mothers, hands are lacking and work accumulates. If you do not give enough, you must order all your “earrings” according to the level of importance : the baby must be well cared for and you must have rested and have eaten. That’s the basics. If the laundry basket is about to burst or the beds have not been made, breathe and try not to overwhelm yourself and think that taking care of yourself is essential to be able to take care of yourself.
Talk to your partner. Of everything.
It is impossible for your partner to read each and every one of your thoughts, fears and even the reason for your anger just by seeing you. Unburdening yourself is very important … otherwise everything will accumulate in your head and in the end what will happen is that you will explode with some nonsense and you will feel very lonely and misunderstood. Do not pretend that everything is fine if it is not really so.
Start the day with a shower
This advice may be ridiculous for many, but when you’ve had one (or two, or three, or whatever), horrible, sometimes you don’t feel like it. However, taking off your pajamas, getting in the shower, putting on clean clothes and combing your hair changes your mood. You may be tired again in two hours, but believe me: the day starts differently when you look at yourself in the mirror and at least you recognize yourself.
Go for a walk with your baby
I think one of the best solutions we have when we are overwhelmed, is to go for a walk with your baby. Sit on a terrace, have a drink and let it give you some fresh air. It will be good for both of you.
Seize the good days and prepare for the bad
We all have good and bad days and babies are no exception. There are some who may be nervous and irritable for no apparent reason, but in others they may seem like “manual” children (they eat great, entertain themselves with their hands for a long time and finish with a monumental nap). If you have one of those almost perfect days, take the opportunity to pick up a little, make some tupperware, take a quiet shower and sleep . We already know that “sleep when the baby sleeps” is a utopia, but one day it can be done.
If you can, ask for help
In these moments, a little help can do wonders for our mood and the way we view the situation. If it is definitely impossible to do so, rearrange your chores with your partner so that you can have some time to yourself. It is essential for the body and mind to maintain self-care.
In Babies and More | Mom: you are not doing it wrong, just motherhood can sometimes be very hard
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